Damn it’s hard to be the jackal of jackals damn
this breath in me Quiet
I’m not
breathing I’m just looking to eat
shit fill up cheese is the only cure
for my depression
& when I open
my fridge in the dark my neighbors
across 93rd pretend not to see
Fuck you
Bless
the night sky earth bird god I am finally trying
to get some air get someone to open wide
my mouth
so I can live & get it over with
SPELL 166
Gabrielle don’t kick out Gabrielle keep your toes
inside the metal bars Gabrielle I learned your name
for the first time when the paramedics brought you down
the stairs
your grief at my door a gas leak a pandemic
& I didn’t answer didn’t answer the door before
but the laughing cops found their way to the fire
escape & up saw a light on in your bathroom
I know you
just wanted to triumph I know
you wanted to be triumphant over what
was done against you daughter serpent junkie
Fuck fuck fuck this underworld tightrope supernova
Gabrielle you are natron freshwater Percocet you made
your own sleep your head will not be taken from you now
will not be taken from you galaxies
SPELL 177
Blue June reads my tarot in a Brooklyn mausoleum, draws
The Empress In Reverse says There’s a fiery woman
in your life— No shit, I call her Anxiety
I don’t know how to explain the grave dust
to my dry cleaner but I think he’ll take the cash
Would anyone believe me if I said I still pray
to the gods of the Second Avenue Subway
I just want everything to go a little bit faster
than yesterday
I’m so damned tired
of kinship with corpses & the earth & its disorders
but it’s OK I’m learning what resurrection means, how to
unjump a river talk back to a mirror
Empress give me back my mouth
so I might love with it, like a pelican
Dig me up un-moth me leave me steady
on my hands & teeth
I have known the realm of the dead
They didn’t want me
Matt Petronzio is a poet, journalist, and editor living in New York City. His poems have appeared in PANK, InDigest, Day One, Ghost Ocean, and elsewhere. You can find more at mattpetronzio.com and on Twitter at @mattpetronzio.